25.9.06

单独






















我一个人留下,带着不安和害怕,因为丢了国籍和身份。心里有仿佛被遗弃的孤单。

由于出发旅行前完全没有心里准备旅程里会有一段是要自己一个人的,所以当问题来了,只好学习勇敢。心里不敢承认因为孤单而出现的恐慌。 原来,我还真的很爱面子。

Fussen, 这个山城孤寂地让人觉得忧伤,因为秋天加上雨天,再加上不安,心情简直是低落的。许多人来了又去为的只是比邻的新旧天鹅堡,无论抵达和离开,这里只是一个过站。

在这里的几天,我一直在走路,没有方向、没有目的地。常常在早餐和屋主Elizeberth闲聊几句以后,就一整天都不说话了。因为没有人说话,我只好一直走路,走长长的路。从这条街走到另一条街;从这条路,走到那一条路的尽头。在这里,就只能走路。

不说话,成了我和这个地方的相处方式。不说话,因为这个山城很沉默。
也因为美丽的新天鹅堡本身就是一个悲剧, 那么美丽的建筑,背后却有一个凄凉故事。

----------------------------------------------------------------------
2000年那年的长途旅行,第一次面对一个人过。 对于单独一个人,心里一直存有丝丝的恐惧,所以,后来很久很久都不敢一个人单独旅行。 不过,在Fussen这段的单人行,换来了一次自己和自己的独自面对,这是金钱买不到的宝贵经验。 只是因为丢了护照,不能进入东欧,对于无法旅游布拉克Praque,成了我那次旅行小小的遗憾。

2005年到丽江,决定得很突然,因为apple已去过丽江,当时跟草莓又不熟,venus 那时还没旅行的冲动,所以,我就一个人出发到丽江。
一个人旅行不见得有趣,可是当时想到一个人,就可以安静地,没有目的的逛,也是单人旅行的自在吧。于是,背了背包就来到丽江。

9 comments:

apple said...

我以为孤单就是寂寞,其实不然,只要心是自在的。
找一天,我们一起去东欧一趟,有了strawberry, venus, MQ 和我,
一定又可以创造另一个美丽的回忆。
因为有向往,就有动力。

ET said...

孤单/单独 是不同的,可能都和寂寞有些关系,只是,孤单的人也许会孤寂,单独的人却懂得自在。

Anonymous said...

I did a 孤单/单独 stint travelling in Central/South America in 2001. Enjoyed being solo and in control, absolute freedom and could do whatever I wish. But came crisis times (Visa & flight arrangement and I was mugged), must admit that I wasn't fully prep for shit as such (since I was only so psyched up on being solo for the happy days). The sense of helplessness and directionless in a foreign land was emotionally taxing and physically draining.

孤单/单独? You still enjoy, you still live, you still learn, you still grow all by yourself. That ain't a bad thing according to my book.

Will I do it again all by myself? Hell ya! You can bet your ass on it. :)

恩妮 said...

HI boonsky, absolutely right! a sole traveller = freedom. u can do whatever u wish, turn left or right sometime decided by your sense not the guide book or travelmate.
are u female or male? for a female solo traveller,there are more things to be considered and worried, thats the different...

Anonymous said...

For female traveller, only ONE more thing to consider: the little excess baggage for the few days of the month. Travellers, males or females, are exposed to just as much hazard on the road. Is travelling solo more challenging for women because you physically weaker? That's simply a lame excuse and self pity. If you are weak, you are weak, regardless of your gender. Anyway, females nowadays are strong, determined, feisty and fierce. Don't you think?

FYI, I'm a man.

恩妮 said...

hahaha..ok ok.
for me, a small backpack is enough for a 10 days or 2 weeks trip...
what female travellers consider most is the "safety and danger"... anyhow, no place is safe, everywhere is danger. except stay at home.

wow, u are really good in bakery, thats great! u really enjoy that.
i even cant cook, sometime hv to call mum to help if cooking..."paiseh!" :P

Anonymous said...

Strawberry said...
恩妮! 你忽然让我忆起了你那篇张曼娟的文章;
有一天,我忽然不想說話了。並沒有什麼事情發生,也沒有受到什麼刺激。這感覺倏忽而至,卻如此充盈飽滿,好像已經在暗地裡醞釀了好長一段日子。 小時候,我是個愛說話的小孩;長大後,我是個會說話的女孩,直到現在,我教書、演講、主持廣播節目,深深瞭解語言之於我,是多麼重要的工具與魅力。我知道人們期待聽我說話,我知道自己的話語能令人感覺幸福,我讓他們發笑了,我讓他們落淚了。某一個部分的我,因此而完成了。 可是,另一個部分的我呢? 當我不說話的時候,其實,更自在愜意些。我聆聽著,觀察著,感受著,哪怕是孤單一個人,也能夠感覺幸福。 可是,我並不真的喜歡孤獨,所以,我戀愛。 戀愛有時那麼恬靜美好,有時卻比孤單更寂寞。

曾听恩妮口述过当时的情形, 但不及文字的深刻
随遇而安可不是易事, 独自面对更需要过人的勇气!

恩妮 said...

strawberry,是的,我在工作的日子,也常常得说很多的话,其实,我更期望的是不说话,多多聆听和观察。

那次的旅行,由于还是个旅行新手,对于得一个人过,更多的事,因为护照遗失的缘故,所以更加不安。

Anonymous said...

"what female travellers consider most is the "safety and danger"..."

what male travellers consider most is, guess what, "safety and danger...". Simply no one (male or female) can enjoy travelling to the max if safety is compromised.